Yesterday I had lunch with my parents. Nothing out of the ordinary mind you, but during lunch the conversation of Chinese New Year came up. Basically Chinese New Year doesn’t officially begin until the 18th of February, which means that the “Tun Lin” (Chinese New Years Eve) dinner is on the 17th.

A little bit of background about my family and Chinese culture first, as this is absolutely necessary for the rest of the story to make sense to you. Aunties and Uncles from both the Mother and Father sides of the family are numbered from 1 to X (of course depending on the number of aunties and uncles you have). So on my Dads side of the family there is: (in order of birth – note that they are separated by male and female also) Auntie 1, Uncle 2 (uncle 1 died during birth), Auntie 2, Uncle 3, Auntie 4, Uncle 5. Now that’s only on my Dad’s side. On my Mum’s side there’s only Uncle 1. But (and here’s the kicker) uncles and aunties who marry their spouses are also called by numbers, with only a change in one word. For example, one of my aunts official titles is “Sarm Gu Jie” which means Auntie 3. Her husband’s official title is “Sarm Gu Jeoung”. Got it? Good.

Now that you know that, it’s time to get to the specifics. A particularly interesting family member is Auntie 2. She’s the Auntie that never got married. You know the one. But Auntie 2 is special in such a way that it’s impossible that there would be someone like her on planet Earth. She, dear reader, is a goddamn devout Buddhist.

That’s right.

Devout.

Buddhist.

I’ve heard of some lame extremes but this really takes the mooncake. It’s not only that she’s a devout Buddhist, but she also believes in Fung Shui and fortune telling. You might think “Hey a devout Buddhist that believes in Fung Shui and fortune telling, that’s not so bad. You’re crazy Cassul! Crazy like a fox!”. You know what I say to that? You haven’t met her, so shut the fuck up. Also I’m not crazy like a fox, I’m crazy like a Chinese water dragon stuck in the desert. Bitch.

I feel you need some examples to truly understand my Auntie 2’s religious belief/insanity.

Example 1: All the first generation children in my family have had their Chinese names checked by her. By checked, I mean each character of our names had to have a certain number of strokes to match your time and date of birth. Each character also had to have a good meaning behind it. Oh yeah, also with each of us there is some form of inherent weakness. My brothers weakness apparently is fire (ironically he works in a kitchen, as a chef, next to fire, all day) and one of my cousins (one of the weiner kids) is weakness is water. Maybe weakness isn’t the right word to use, maybe non-positive affinity is a better phrase for it.

Example 2: Every year she goes to a temple and prays for our possessions (which I’ve always thought was stupid as I always thought Buddhists were all anti-possessions). It’s not like she goes and prays for the sofa or the curtains though. She goes and prays for things like the house and the cars. After she prays for these she receives a talisman/trinket for us. Then she mails these to us from Hong Kong. Once we receive them we’re supposed to put them in our cars and hang them somewhere in the house. I remember one year, we had just put up the talisman for our house, and two weeks later our house got robbed. Coincidence? Possibly, but the irony is delicious. A few years ago my brother received a talisman for his car. He put it in his glove compartment and in that year he got booked twice for driving under the influence and then totalled his car against a tree. Also his car got robbed while it was upside down on the street. You get the picture.

Example 3: Every birthday we receive very specific instructions on the week of our birthdays. The theory is that if you follow these instructions, good fortune will be with you for the rest of the year (apparently Chinese good fortune has a one year use-by date). One particularly interesting set of instructions for one of my birthdays was: at 3am, walk directly east for 2 kilometres. Now for me, east for 2 kilometres is: a fence, bushes, a bike path, more bushes, another fence, a cliff, and then a freeway. Oh, and another part of those instructions was that I had to walk it alone. Now picture this, a 9 year old boy, out on the street at 3 in the morning out on the streets on his own., trying to activate his fortune for the coming year by walking east. My parent’s solution was that I face east while I walk sideways until I had room to not walk into a fence, into bushes, off a cliff and onto a freeway. So refresh the picture in your mind. 9 year old boy, crab walking down a street at 3 in the morning on his own. I can’t say I really remember whether I had good fortune for the rest of that year, but I sure as hell developed a fear of fences, bushes, cliffs, freeways and looking eastwards. Looking back at it, it’s quite funny to think about but at the time I don’t think they had invented poop repelling pants yet.

So anyways now you know the background. You begin to perceive but you do not see!

So anyways back to the whole “Tun Lin” dinner thing. As I explained earlier, Chinese New Year doesn’t officially start until the 18th of February. This year (as usual) Auntie 2 has gone to the temple to pray for our souls/possessions. I can see her saying “Pray for your souls so they may be received!” or something insanely devout like that. If I was there I would have yelled “PRAY FOR YOUR BOWELS SO THEY MAY BE RELIEVED!”

Anyways I’m getting distracted here, so back to the story. So she’s prayed for us, but she made a stop at her local fortune teller as well. The fortune teller tells her that a better date for Chinese New Year would be the 11th of February. So she tells the entire family, and naturally this causes earthquakes within it. I think my Uncle 5 said it the best in an email when he wrote:

“I decided that we are going to have the “Tun Nin”, but on that last day of the year, not the selected 11 Feb . We want to stick with the 4000 years old tradition of our ancestors, rather than having a fortune-teller or someone from a temple to tell us what and when to do.

Having “Tun Nin” on the last day of the year, as part of the Chinese culture, has been passing on from generation to generation for thousands of years, including our parents, and to me, and to my next generation. I honestly do not want to see it changed just because someone said that there is another good date or good “see-sun”(time) to do it.”

Note that my Uncle 5 is a Catholic.

I don’t know for sure whether there is any underlying animosity between my Uncle 5 and my Aunt 2, but I’m pretty sure there is.

Really I have nothing to complain about. Having two nights of Tun Lin only means 2 separate feasts of food, which is definitely better than one. I guess the point I’m trying to illustrate is that my aunt is some form of High Council. And I guess the motto on her emblem would say “Do what I say or no good fortune for you”.

I guess it’s the age old argument between belief and tradition. Which would you rather favour? Personally I’d much rather tradition. At least you know it works.

If there was a movie being made about the internet, and racism on the internet, I don’t think that’d be a good enough name for it. Perhaps it should be “Retard Racists Out In Force On The Internet: Annonymity is the key! Join Us!”.

I suppose I should explain myself. Today someone linked me this delicious picture. I think what I need to highlight here is the jaws. Somwhat slack wouldn’t you say? Seriously, any slacker and you could drive a dump truck into her mouth. And then we have the guy behind her to the right of the picture, is it a look of confusion? Possibly. Or maybe once again it’s the pack mentality of “slackjawedyokelness” that racists get when they’re in a group. At this point I’m not sure who to blame. Maybe it’s their lack of understanding of current situations (which is pretty much what racism is) or maybe their parents were real lazy. Maybe their fathers were jacking off and their mothers just sat on it (thank you Bill Hicks). I’m still wondering how these people are still alive. Sometimes when I think of racists all I see is a bunch of people trying to eat soup with a fork making chewbacca noises while yelling “WHY NOT FORK WORK IN SOUP! SOUP FORK NOT WORK!”

What does this have to do with the net you ask? No description is necessary. Quite NSFW unless you happen to work in a red neck trailer park. The place of particular interest (as with most sites) is the forum. With classic topics such as “which race do you hate the most” and “why i hate hate interracial couples”. Not to mention the user names of the people who post there. Some great ones include Australian Patriot, White Knight, White and Proud and my personal favourite, Steelcap Boot. Now the people who use names like that hide behind the guise of being a patriot and a proud Australian in order to cover up the way they think as if somehow it justifies their way of thinking. It’s like being a piece of dog turd and calling it a jam donut. But the jam donut isn’t filled with jam, it’s filled with turd. So really at the end of the day they’re a turd pastry with a filling of turd, with a possible glaze of urine and powdered ass.

Anyway /rant off

So here it is, a new blog for the bloggosphere (thanks Samuel L. Jackson!). So I guess I should thank my so-called friends for making me get off my lazy ass and do this. Unfortunately I can’t say why I’m doing this otherwise the whole point is moot. So thanks Tim and thanks Sarah! I guess if you want to find out what this is all about, you’ll have to keep checking back. This blog is designed to last for a year and I’m interested to find out where this is all going to end up. Perhaps the turd bucket of the bloggosphered internet. Man, bloggoshpere is fun to type.

But yeah, if you want to find out what this is all about, email me or leave me a message so I can not tell you what this is all about. But you can find more aboutTim! Through his webcomic! Go to http://refried.timtekindustries.com/

Yep. I guess I should talk a little about me, just so you can get to know me you mysterious reader you. I’m a 24 year old male, living in Perth, Western Australia. Just graduated from Murdoch University with a degree in Science, majoring in Games Technology (yes there is a Games Technology major, and no it isn’t just playing video games). Ceremony in March! Really can’t wait for that. Something about finally finishing 18(? 12 + 2 + 4 = 18 phew!) years of being in the education system that makes it all the more satisfying.

I guess getting a degree in games technology, i’m hoping that you can guess that I enjoy playing video games. I can’t say that I’m good at any one genre of game, but I’d say I’d be best at driving games, and possibly guitar hero 1 and 2 (in my group of friends anyway). I’m mainly a PC gamer but i recently bought the Wii which I’m very much enjoying.

Anyways I tire of this. More updates later? Perhaps! Time will tell.