Company Party: Halloween Party 2007: Uncomfortable silences will occur if Frizzle goes out with someone

Steps to reproduce:
Example:
– Get to know coffee girl
– Ask out coffee girl to Halloween Party
– Try to make conversation
– Notice that Frizzle will be unable to speak anything resembling an interesting conversation

*Note: This occurs 100% of the time
**Note: Changed Severity to 1

Thats basically my defect on a date. Now that thats out of the way lets talk about the title of this post. (Note: This post might jump back and forth quite a bit ut you’ll deal with it.)

So we’re at the Halloween Party at Movie World, and I’ve had about four beers, and lets just say, that there had been a mass migration of pee to Peetown: population 10000 litres. So I decide to go break the seal and as I’m walking towards the bathroom, I hear the James Bond theme song playing in the background. I giggle at this. I giggle because of the fact that I wasn’t actually trying to sneak into some kind of military bathroom (I should direct you all to the whole “i’ve already had 4 beers” thing so I was quite suitably tipsy at this stage). So while I’m giggling walking to the bathroom Darth Maul is heading out of the bathroom. I also giggle at this. Not because of the idea of a Sith Lord having to pee, but the idea of a Sith Lord yelling “FORCE URINATE!” at his penis. So imagine this image, I’m giggling at the 007 theme song playing while I walked to the bathroom, then giggling at Darth Maul, knowing that he had just yelled at his penis while walking into a urinal. As most of you know, I’m more of a cubicle man. I like my privacy. The boys love their privacy. So I unzip and bring it. While I do this, the 007 theme song stops playing. And then something awesome happened.

Rocky.

Theme.

Song.

The Rocky theme song starts playing. A strange sense of accomplishment starts to come over me. As this disposal of human waste is occurring I couldn’t help but start smiling. As the song goes on, and as I keep on peeing, I begin to giggle again. Song keeps going, I keep peeing, and then I begin to laugh out loud. Like literally out loud. LOL styles. So as I am doing my business and laughing about the fact that I’m peeing to the Rocky theme song I hear someone else walk in. I calm myself down. I’m pretty sure he heard me laughing but I decided to try and be as normal as I could. I flush and exit the cubicle and looking at me weirdly is some guy dressed as Rambo. I can’t hold it in and I start laughing right there and then. I almost feel sorry for the guy. Who wants to be laughed at as you’re about to pee? It’s like the guy who’s laughing already knows you have TPS (tiny penis syndrome). So he’s staring at me, and I’m laughing and shaking my head while washing and drying my hands and exit the bathroom. To the Superman theme song. Fucking awesome, I know, I was there. I don’t think there will be any other moment where a sequence of events will occur as awesomely as this.

So I meet back up with my mates in the courtyard and i say “Fuck. Put this on the list of things you gotta do before you die. Go and fucking pee when the Rocky theme song is playing. It will blow your fucking mind.” They all start pissing themselves laughing, and I start to crack up again. And I turn around and Rambo’s right there behind me laughing as well. I find out that he’s a Lead Designer later. I become embarrased. But still acknowledging the fact that what happened was pure awesome. Pure unpurified awesome.

More updates later! It’s 5:20am and I’m starting to sober up and stuffs and I should get some sleep!

Oh man this thing is hilarious

Also I’ve been told that it’s possible to get hit so hard in the crotch that you vomit. It really happened to a workmate of mine.

Giving out hot dickings. Just passing em out!

HOT!

DICKINGS!

GET ‘EM!

YOU MAKE-A MY TEETH FEEL BAD!

So that happened on Thursday (y’know the 11th of Octoblahblahblah see previous post). Fast forward to the weekend! Saturday in fact, the start of the weekend! And on that evening I received some messages! Read on or lest I steam your yams! And by steam I mean grill! And by yams I mean your respective man/lady parts!

07:14pm: Is this Felix? It’s Felicity
07:16pm: Yep it sure is! Whats up? (What was I thinking at this point?! I have no idea. Whats up? Whats up?!!? How lame was that. Luckily my housemate was like “Dude, send another message” And so I did!
07:19pm: How goes your weekend so far?
07:26pm: Is good. Just wondering the details of this work thingy
07:32pm: It’s on the 26th and work is organizing the bus’s there and back
07:35pm: Sounds like fun… I’ll be there.
07:37pm: Awesome! Looking forward to it. Talk to you soon.
07:37pm: Ok

So that’s that! She said she would go, but the only thing that gets to me is the ‘…’ and the just plain “OK”. Also I totally forgot to tell her to dress up as well. But don’t worry I’ll message her tomorrow and let her know.

I also messaged her on Monday asking if she wanted to go grab lunch. I was planning on taking her a nice Japanese restaurant (I know girls love that stuff! They think it’s healthier for some reason) and then take her bowling. But she messaged me back saying she has a lot of study to do over the weekend and that she really can’t. Double negatives maybe? I don’t know. Perhaps I’m just being realistic. Maybe she just wants a let her hair down with a random. Or maybe I’m doing my usual thing where I’m overthinking things and reading too much into it

Also I’m thinking as going to the Halloween party as Hiro Nakamura! Actually I’m lying, but I bet I pissed Sarah off just then :P. I’ll probably go as something Krome fears. Pandemic. I might going to a army surplus store tomorrow and getting a gas mask or something. Or I could go as a Rainbow mercenary. Or even better, get a suit and go as a Spy from TF2. Or any one of the classes from TF2. The engineer would probably be the best. ORRRRRRR I could go as an Iron Chef, but I think its quite difficult to find a chefs outfit that looks like them. Thoughts for costumes would be pretty awesome and very very appreciated.

So that’s the story. I think I’m starting to over think again. Perhaps this weekend will be time to over drink. And then I will over drink some more next Friday!

Anyway we out!
-Flexo-

Rightio! Second try! It’s probably less awesome than the first attempt but this fucker of a laptop blue screened on me after i had written about 2 pages about stuff that you’re about to read. So I’m going to desperately try and remember what I was writing about last night.

Ok so it’s that time of day/week/month where i update letting you guys know whats going on in Brisbane and with me. The current serving suggestion for this update is that you all should hold onto your pants, as they will practicaly remove themselves. What I tell you next will cause your testicles/ovaries (most likely ovaries if you’re Spanky Hernandez) to implode creating some sort of testicle/ovary black hole. What I’m about to tell you will cause your buttocks to clench so hard that if you were Spanky Hernandez, all the dicks in your butt will snap right off. Then you would cry a river of dick. Out of your eyes.

I asked out coffee girl (or if you’ve read my previous post, her name is Felicity). That’s rights ladies and gents I asked her out. I told you! I told you your pants would practically soil themselves! Both front AND back! At the same time!

But yes, let me tell you a tale. A tale of a guy, who had been buying coffee for the last three months at mostly the same time of day almost every day. Not horribly addicted to coffee at all. So there I was about two weeks ago contemplating the idea of asking her out. I really wanted to ask her out. As you all know from the previous post she did the whole “I’ll spit in your coffee!” and the fact that she told me her name without me asking. Oh and the coffee foam heart thing. And not to mention my housemate constantly saying that she thought she liked me.

So there I was walking to the coffee store and … Wait. I guess I should tell the whole truth. Last Monday was when I was originally planning to ask her out. To cut a long story off I walked there nervous as all hell and then when I got there I completely pussied out. And when I got back to work holding my ‘Pussied Out’ coffee, boy did I cop a lot of flack. I know they were just joking but after walking back feeling like Queen Pussy of Pussytown in the United States of Pussylia that didn’t really help rebuild my confidence to ask her the next day. After taking a whole night of that I decided that I would do it the next day. Funny thing though, the next day, she wasn’t working. So I really got psyched for nothing. So Wednesday was the day, or so I thought. I had completely psyched myself out, but when I got there she was having a conversation with another person who worked there, and I didn’t want to interrupt so I didn’t ask her! Once again when I got back to work I copped a lot of shit, but two of my work buddies finally convinced me to do it.

One of them was like “I bet he won’t ever do it. He’s just like the rest of us. Because he’s a nerd he won’t ever ask her out!” Basically your typical “If I’m not happy, no one else is happy” guy. That really pissed me off quite extremely. So part of asking her out was kind of out of spite. The second guy (whom I quite respect) said “Look buddy, if you don’t ask her out by Friday, I’ll ask her out on Monday, and forever this will hang over your head.” That was the comment that made me realize that if I don’t do this, I’ll miss out and regret it forever. So it was more like 30% spite and 70% “I better not miss this opportunity.”

I remember that day like it was yesterday. A week and one day ago. Thursday, 11th of October, approximately 5:05pm actually. I walked in there with Housemate J and me being so horribly predictable she knew that I would order a regular mocha. And then when she gave me my coffee I go (this is as much as I can remember) “Thanks for the coffee. Also there’s this Halloween party work thingy.” And then I paused for a second. Because I realized I didn’t know what I was going to say. All I had was the who (which was her and me, so I guess it’s whom) and the where (the Halloween party duhhhh!). I have no idea where the what and the when went at that time. Probably in Aruba, drinking pena coladas sexing up other things like, commas and semi colons. So after that one second pause I say “sorry I don’t do this very often” which my housemate told me later sounded like “ssrrryyayeeeeduuundoodissvrrryyyoooohhhffttteennn” and at the octave of Barry White gargling concrete and bees. Luckily I recovered and said “I was wondering if you would like to go with me to the party?” And she said she would think about it.

Gotta go take a sleep now! I’ll finish the story tomorrow or something! Don’t worry I will tell the rest of the story. Eventually!

An Explanation

October 6, 2007

Right! I hope you all realise that while you’re all either having a work dinner or at a friends sisters cousins party that I am sitting here at home writing an explanation of what happened the day before. Not that I’m not having fun writing this thing, but just an FYI that I could be doing other things, like sexing up hot single womens, rescuing puppies to sex up hot single womens or rescuing babies from burning buildings to sex up hot single womens.

Ok, honestly? I would have been playing Hellgate (which, bee tee dubya is pretty fun!). I rolled a Blademaster, which is basically your Warrior/Barbarian/Wachoppidychopchop character. It’s pretty awesome when I’m surrounded by enemies and then i’m all PSUEDO WHIRLWIND ACTION BEEHATCHES! and then they’re all like “I’m dead!” Another great thing about this game is the questing system. Well the little conversation pieces describing the quests and what you have to do. It’s like the dialog was taken directly out of Invader Zim and then made more adult. Like for example a guy tells his servant to “Stick his head in the pit of eternal happiness!” and the slave says “That looks like a pit of flaming death to me. And I hope this isn’t like the last time you said it was the eternal void of joy when it turned out to be a giant pit of spikes!” Hilarious stuff!

Other games i’ve played recently! Stranglehold! It’s pretty freakin fun. I can run up a banister and shoot people in the face with a shotgun, and then, AND THEN I can shoot people in the junk. IN THE GOD DAMN JUNK! And then you can also shoot them in the eyes, mouth, nose ears and all the animations will be different. Oh did I mention the junk shooting? It’s like you can watch a scene where a guy gets hits in the crotch by a football, except in Stranglehold you’re shooting bullets into a guys crotch. It’s got my two thumbs of approval!

Right then, now that I’ve made you guys read about stuff that you don’t care about, I can finally tell you what happened. But yes I found out her name. Well really, she told me what her name was. Ok, so here’s what happened. I go in as I usually do for my usual 5:15 coffee/mocha fix, and she makes a joke about the Felix the Cat thing. My eye twitches and I think she noticed, but at the same time I know she’s joking. She then goes on to tell me that her uncle calls her Fe and on occasions calls her Felix the Cat as well. While she explains this, she explains that the reason why her uncle calls her Felix the Cat because her nickname is Fe and is short for Felicity. Why can’t all girls I fancy just tell me a story which some how tells me their name?

The next night I find out that one of the people I work with knows someone else who works at that coffee place. I didn’t know that at the time but I was telling him the story and he said he would find out for me whether she’s single, and whether she’s interested. Seriously sometimes I think I still haven’t gotten out of high school with my mentality about these sorts of things.

And now you know as much as I know! And knowing as much as I do is half the battle!

I’m out!
BAM!

Her name

October 4, 2007

Small update.

Her name is Felicity.

It’s 4:56am, I’ll write more later.

(Bam! I bet you guys didn’t see that coming, but you’ll laugh when I tell you what happened)

Relief?

October 3, 2007

So here’s why I haven’t updated in so long. I’ve learned a big lesson in this industry (and quite possibly in general). This might be a tip that you might want to pass onto you grand children.

Don’t trust HR. Ever.

HR has a tendency to tell you one thing, leave you in the dark while you shit your pants, and then do something completely opposite to what they initially intended.

Let me tell you about what has happened in the last month or so. This is exactly what happened in steps:

1) We (the QA team) knew that projects were winding down and we had no clue whether any other projects were going to come in (this was about the start of last month.
2) We thought that the overtime that was clocked up due to working weekends and staying back would result in a bonus.
3) Rumors begin floating about that due to redundancy people will be getting laid off
4) One night the QA Manager stays back and informs us the rumors are true. He tells us that the QA department (between 3 locations) will be reduced from around 50 down to about 30.
5) Began shitting pants
6) The night after this occurs 4 people from night shift get fired. These people never saw it coming. 2 out of 4 of them in my opinion did not deserve this at all because they had been there the longest and did their work.
7) The next night we are told that 5 people from day shift had also been let go.
8) Fast forward a week. No other information about who was going has been released by QA
9) Another 2 days later (tonight) we are told by our supervisor that HR has “said” that the numbers have changed. Basically what that means is that HR suffered from a case of pre-mature fire-enation.

We don’t know what had happened to change the situation. but for some reason the numbers had changed. And now the people who have been fired are wondering why they were the first to go. Initially the reason was because “they didn’t express interest in moving to another department” which is a pile of shite. Especially when 2 of them wanted to be designers another wanting to be a programmer and the other one wanting to be a modeler.

So thats whats been on my mind for the last month. And thats why I haven’t been posting much.

So here’s the thing, just because they’ve “decided” that the numbers are ok for now, whats to stop them from doing this again in 6 months time? Or maybe even 3 months time. Are we supposed to go looking for other jobs? And if we do get interviews for a contract job that lasts for 6 months do we take it, or stay in where we are in a full time job, knowing full well that we could be axed any second.

I suppose what this all comes down to is QA night don’t get any respect or as many of the benefits that others in the company do.

Now that all the depressing shit is done, some good news, I think I might ask this coffee girl out to the work party. Apparently today, the foam on my coffee was shaped like a love heart (I personally didn’t notice it because I added sugar straight away, but my friend was like “dude didn’t you notice that?”). Also when I came in and ordered she goes “I’ll make Felix’s so I can spit in his coffee.” Obviously this was a joke but drinking someones spit is essentially making out with them right? Although it sure doesn’t sound as sexy as french kissing but it’s still is pretty awesome.

Also happy belated birthdays to Michael and Jo. And Ford? I think it’s your birthday? I should probably check that. I saw on your msn thing that you’re having a party, but I swear your birthday is in December.

Anyways I better go it’s like 4:20am right now.
Hope to talk to you guys soon

-Felix-